14Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests 15and asked, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?"
Lord Jesus--There is a part of me that wants to judge Judas. After all he sat at your feet and heard the Sermon on the Mount first hand. He heard the words of life and hope with his own ears. Many in my day would give all the concert tickets they have ever bought for just one day sitting in his seat.
What a gift he was given when you called him to be your disciple...he was offered a chance. Just like I am offered a chance. To listen and to serve to grow and to make the journey from where you found him to where you were calling him to be.
Yet in the middle of his choices he chose poorly...twistedly. What was he thinking when he walking into the room with those he knew to be intent on your death. Was this choice triggered by the extravagant love expressed by this women. I know that kind of love changes the world that surrounds it. Sometimes propelling and sometimes expelling those who see it demonstrated.
Lord Jesus-- That is the part that I just don't get. How can I sometimes be so twisted in a knot? Sometimes I am just like Judas drawing back and expelled when I see real grace and love lived out. I want to control. I want to manage but you call me to walk in obedience one step at a time. You call me to be formed by extravagant love lived out in this mixed up muddled up world even when my small heart and hands can't hold it.
You knew the exact moment when Judas walked into the room with the vultures that were circling just within divine reach. What an act of love that you let him go to make his own choices...even hard ones...even twisted ones...you allowed Judas the room to fall from grace.
You loved Judas enough to give him the freedom of a turncoat's choice. After all he had sat at your feet through all of those teaching sessions...on countless dusty roads you had lead, talked and taught and he had followed.
You love me enough to allow me the weight of my choices. Sometimes they are just as twisted, wrong headed and wrong hearted as Judas' choice in that back room with the vultures.
So they counted out for him thirty silver coins.16From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.
I wonder if those silver coins sat heavy in his money bag? Did they bounce against his body as he walked with suddenly more weight then they should have had?
I have no right to sit in judgment of Judas, really I am much like him. The weight of my twisted choices call out to me...much like the jingling of those coins must have called out to Judas as he followed you finding a time to betray you.
And then there is your grace...so undeserved in the middle of all my choices.
Lord Jesus--In this day that is just starting...let this be a day when love propels me toward You. Let my choices today be pushed by your grace and by the extravagant love that you have shown me. Remind me today of the weight of my choices and help me choose well.